I’m back. Still adjusting to new environment. But to keep my blog on schedule and because this is somewhat of a poetry/ gamer’s diary/unconventional review blog (its existence serves as a dialogue between two people to keep myself from talking to myself once upon a time in downtown Seattle), I wrote a poem for my re-entry to posting weekly, which was on a Monday 12:00 A.M Pacific Time (excluding this post) to be exact. Moving forward, changing it to Monday 12:00 A.M Central Time. I like to be on the dot. Please enjoy this poem I wrote on a whim.
Is There Fall in the Midwest? by Halsdoll
Like an arrow, I go.
Like moths flapping towards
The sun pops;
Summer is almost gone
But still hot
And fall won’t come
Here, in the Midwest
switch off or on
The Midwest is now home because that is where my partner is. It’s different from where I grew up but it’s a nice change in pace and it’s not so bad minus the heat. Hence, why I wrote the poem. The good news though is that it’s a lot quieter than the city life surely. Noise pollution should be a crime. Now I wake up to hearing birds and not ambulance siren, which means I can write more! Peace and quiet is how I like it. I don’t know if this place will be my final destination. Never in my wildest dreams thought I’d end up here. One day…maybe I’ll return to the rain and the hills next to the sea or retire up in the mountains and become a mountain woman with working internet signal. I got to keep this blog rolling after all because I am here for the long haul.
At the moment, I am still playing Dark Souls 2 Scholar of the First Sin, reading Persuasion by Jane Austen and watching Twin Peaks with my partner for the first time. As I mentioned before, so many content to consume with so little time apart from having bazillion other hobbies such as cooking. That’s why my gaming backlog is small. Still have yet to complete Mass Effects, Dragon Age, Tales of Xilia for the PS3 and some indies games I bought on Steam, which I may never get around to. I like to take the time to appreciate a piece of work and play them thoroughly. It’s much more rewarding than just buying and never consuming it. Perhaps that’s why many of us create blog in the first place because we have an overwhelming amount of things to consume which takes us away from having a social life or many of us just want to be lost in our own thoughts and hope someone would listen to us? I mean this blog is conversational for a reason even though I don’t expect readers to engage with me in the comment section. My goal is to make the reader think. Thinking is what make people, people right? Part of the reason why I take the time to appreciate a piece of work is for thinking purposes. It benefits both the consumer and the creator. Making things to make money is death to both the creator and the consumer. That’s my personal take on creative works. Anyway…
I like to keep my promise. Coming up is my reflective review on Taxi Driver (2017) directed by Jang Hoon. Until next time, I leave you folks with a photograph of my moving trip. Yellowstone Park was beautiful minus the tourists like me. So I tried to take pictures with no people in it.
I should have been writing, but I got distracted with this game and did video editing for fun. I plan to platinum this game since I did it for Demon’s Souls and Dark Souls. The shiny platinum might look pretty amazing and it gives me something to look forward to during this upcoming fall–cooler weather means more gaming time. However, partly the main reason why I have not been writing is due to moving. I have been busy packing, getting ready for the big move, which means less time to write or schedule posts in advance.
There are few worthy shows I watched this past few days and are the process of writing. One of them in particular is A Taxi Driver (2017), a historical Korean drama. Out of all the streaming sites, Prime Video is winning because they know me pretty well enough to recommend films I like.
In the meantime, for my weekly post, I put this amateur treasure guide together for fun as I have been obsessed with treasure hunting more than obtaining the object itself in Dark Souls II. It’s quite addictive as I mentioned briefly on one of my souls’ posts. I am sure I have a lot to extract from this game and have much to say about it once I complete it entirely.
Will resume to normalcy once I get things situated. Most likely late September or early October.
I have successfully moved out of the city as of Aug. 31st. Wrote this post awhile ago. Now need time to adjust to new environment.
I’m sort of done writing reviews. Writingimpression, journaling or reflective posts might bethe politicallycorrect term for this type of blog.
When it comes to reading, there’s no way I can ever read all the classics that I have set myself out to apart from discovering new stories from modern day authors. Reading is meditative and truly addicting. I feel as if I have to be immortal to experience the many lives ebbed into a meaningful story which people packaged them into a book and sell them off for profit. Strange concept if you were to ask me, but a writer has to make a living somehow. As a reader, I could play the god and judge the world for myself whenever I open a book. That’s what modernization turned human civilization into, a passive observer. As the bible goes: “For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow (Revised Standard Version, 1:18).” Am I doom to be melancholic?
Reading as a pastime is a double edge sword. For one, reading offers an escape but at the same time causes fatigue eyes, and limping body. You see, there is a thing called the clock in which governs our lives. Called it Mother Nature’s clock. We are forced to sleep against our own will and forced to do mundane things to sustain life such as working, eating, cleaning etc. And we can only wish we had more days to live so we can experience life fully to feed our godly curiosity until there’s nothing else to uncover the mystery of our existence. Reading the Interview with the Vampire, by Anne Rice, made me think do I really want to be immortal? Vampiric immortality is far from living but more like a damnation. Louis, the protagonist is doomed to search the “truth” which he may never find: the origin of his kind. Do they exist just to kill? Are they truly the devil’s servants?
Since I am pressing for time, I won’t go into details about this book. I will just mention briefly that this book argues passivity is the real death. Just watching things slip from your hands when you could have done something about it make you the murderer of time. Things don’t have to stand still. Get up and make some action. That’s the lesson I got from the book.
Finally, I will leave you folks with my favorite quote from the book:
I went though mortal life like a blind man groping from solid object to solid object. It was only when I became a vampire that I respected for the first time all of life.
Through Louis, we see one sad truth about the nature of vampires: they are eternally dead. Therefore, it’s hard not to see life as a gift even if it’s for a brief moment.
I finally reached my 100th post a couple weeks ago and it had me thinking where I want to do with my future content or whether I would move to a different platform. That has been on my mind as I do enjoy creating content. But if I want to eventually generate revenue, vlog might be the better option for me to support my craft full-time. I did purchase a SEO handbook but it didn’t apply to what I want to accomplish for this blog. In fact, it left me feeling even more depleted and let’s not even talk about the marketing side, I already feel overwhelmed.
According to the SEO book, which I will not advertise, the success of a blog is measured based on making money. Well, I am far from that. I came into blogging like many people because I enjoy writing as a creative outlet. So the likeliness of making money is pretty darn slim since I’m not writing to a particular audience. As mentioned before, this blog has been a very good friend. Even if it’s just talking into the void as many amateur bloggers would often fear, sometimes it’s nice to get things off the chest as if you are talking to someone. I still have yet a lot to learn how to balance creativity with business if I eventually want to make passive income from what I naturally enjoy doing.
When I started writing for my old blog back in 2016, which actually titled Halsdoll.com, (It really is my pen name inspired by Shakespeare’s play Henry IV: Part II) I just wanted to share poems and connect with like-minded folks or just have someone to talk to. Fellow female bloggers I followed at the time were either students or lonely first-time moms. They enjoyed reading about games but preferred posts about self-care, beauty products haul and books. Those things are enjoyable to read but it is not the content I want to create. All I wanted to do was discuss games and write poems to fill up the quietness of the lonely evenings I had to endure after work. But those days have passed. Now I write with a purpose. Meaningful conversation is hard to come by especially for those who do a lot of solo activities.
I realized there are two types of female gamers: one who plays to past time (no wonder there are so many beautiful women who stream on Twitch) and one who are enthusiast about the medium. I fall into the second group. Finding a group of passionate gamers, especially female players who appreciate game for its creativity and aesthetic is hard. And what made it more alienating is that I am not at all a competitive gamer despite the fact I like fighting and challenging video games. Speed run and rank never meant anything to me in video games, unless I’m working on a trophy just to complete it for completion’s sake. If anything, I’m competitive against myself. I prefer teamwork than competitive play if I have to play with people.
Then I started to cater my writing towards the gaming enthusiasts. Writing for an audience that I am not familiar with was difficult. I had to be mindful of my thoughts but soon begin to feel weary and tired. I did not want to engage in battle of the sexes debate such as objectification of women in video games and neither did I want to make false accusation and assumption about the opposite sex. Labeling people is something I dislike, so I tried to avoid it because it causes prejudice and discrimination, which unfortunately everyone has experienced some form of discrimination in their lifetime. It’s just how the world is. Humans are visual creatures. For instance, I have been referred to being a damsel in distress by many people. I often wonder why that is the case. Then I realize representations in media do matter very much. In fact, if I could pick a video game character I resemble most is Elena from Pandora Tower. She has some form of disability but she makes it up with emotional strength and intelligence. But to the average person, many would assume she is just a silent object or just a support role for the heterosexual male. I personally never thought of her as a silent object. I never thought of myself as one. I thought she was pretty strong. Maybe it’s time for people to reevaluate what strength means, especially in video games.
When playing multiplayer games, I noticed the discrimination. As a gamer, I like to play as an offense player. I noticed the authority I get from players when they assumed I’m a guy. It felt nice when they asked for tips and they looked up to me. Rarely do I get a pushback. But if they know I’m female, then the tone becomes a bit different. What I have learned through this experience is that online interaction is just a miniature world of the real world and I don’t know how I feel about it. I think that’s part of the reason why I prefer gaming alone, figuring things out myself. It’s a sense of achievement. However, the downfall of playing alone is that it’s hard to make gaming friends. In the online world, rarely do I see female players discuss games for the sake of games which is why I don’t mind doing my Video Game Shopping List posts. They tend to be more casual and popular among readers. I think the last thing people want to do is read academic papers on video games. As much I love to study, even I get turned off by such content unless it’s insightful and full of humor. Video game is a form of entertainment not some scholarly text.
Playing games by myself made me realize that I once fell into the misconception that being female meant being the weaker sex based on how people treat me in person (well, I can’t blame them because I do travel alone a lot for someone as small as I am). But I learned that my gender has nothing to do how good or bad I am with games. It made me realize that I am as capable as anyone if I set my mind to do something. Discrimination happens when we create a mental shortcut to process information, so it’s natural to think our female kind is the weaker sex, but “weaker sex” has nothing to do with intelligence. Intelligence is just another form of strength. And liking a certain type of game doesn’t reflect superiority. One is more relationship based than strategy based. That’s all there is to it.
“Women love romance-related content. It’s nothing new.”- from √Letter.
I guess what I am trying to get at with this whole discrimination talk is that my blog has been a sanctuary for me to express myself, and as a result I am happy. As the saying goes, “Do what you love, and love what you do.” I have been enjoying myself so far, fishing for metaphors (okay that sounds pretty cheesy but I just love to rhyme!) As mentioned earlier, I have considered other platforms so that I could reach the right audience but I like blogging so far because writing helps people become better thinkers. I also learn more through reading anyway when it comes to exchanging information, which is why I chose blogging over vlogging.
I will continue to write about films, T.V shows and books, but niche video games have always been my biggest interest. It’s the game design and the thought process behind the making of games is what intrigued me, but more importantly, it asks tough questions and sees the world from an outsider perspective. For that reason, I always have a lot to say. What I’m really searching for is meaning in the media and that’s what this blog is all about.
I probably won’t publish many gaming content as it requires a decent amount of time gaming and the fact I only play a few games per a year and I play it thoroughly to give it an accurate rating. I mentioned about games because it’s my main hobby and it is just something to be expected in the future for this blog because my backlog is going no where. I could do streaming like most gamers but I don’t see myself as an entertainer. When I play games, I like to take my time. I play to think as oddly as it sounds.
If you are new to my blog, please check out some of my favorite posts I wrote in no particular order:
Yes, I am one day late. I missed the deadline, but the world hasn’t end yet, has it? Happy belated Mother’s day! Actually, last year the holiday was celebrated on May 10th so technically I am not really late, and I learned the holiday is celebrated on Sunday for religious reasons that is why Mother’s Day was on the 9th of this year. That’s a fun fact I never paid attention to until now.
I am back with my three list of recommendations. For those who are new to my blog, I like to make a list of recommendations on films, video games, or books. Because I enjoy horror genre, I purposely decided to go with the scary mom theme. I learned from the following films that sadly not everyone was fortunate enough to know what a good mom is. Hopefully, your relationship with your mother is in good terms.
So grab a bowl of popcorns and get ready! In no particular order from bad to worst mom. I make my three list:
#1 Mommie Dearest(1981)
Director: Frank Perry
Starring: Faye Dunaway, Diana Scarwid, Steve Forrest
Why did I pick this one? Well the mother is a perfectionist to an extreme. You have to be if you are a top Hollywood star, but at the expense of motherhood. She is constantly unaware that she is not fit to be a mom and yet she insists of being a mom to a child. It’s really a sad story actually. She had a successful career but unsuccessful relationships with her love ones including herself. We all know she can’t remain on top forever. Youth and beauty eventually fade and soon she is no longer wanted. Like a product, Hollywood throws away the old for something new and fresh. It’s no surprise, for decades, the film industry has been largely dominated by men. So I sympathize with the protagonist and want to see her rise to the top even though I know she was clearly mad. Great career woman, but terrible mom. Seems like the film was arguing that you can’t be good at both.
#2 Flowers in the Attic (1987)
Director: Jeffrey Bloom
Starring: Kristy Swanson, Victoria Tennant, Louise Fletcher
I kept wondering in the beginning of the film why the children are so blond then it occurred to me that they are the making of incest. Out of disgust and shame, the strict religious grandma locked them up in the attic and punished the daughter who is the mother of the children for her past wicked deed. Not only did she seduced her uncle and had children with him, but she also seduced her own father for his inheritance. Like a cat, she kept seducing people to get what she wants. Bad mom indeed, and purely one dimensional. She is so dehumanized that the story becomes an unconvincing horror tale, but more like a sexual fetish. Don’t know what I am taking about? Then I encourage you to watch it.
#3 White Lies (2013)
Director: Dana Rotberg
Starring: Whirimako Black, Antonia Prebble, and Rachel House
I mentioned this film before on my blog but never elaborate into details about the plot. The mother in this film is the worst. Living a lie and living in shame due to inferior complex is teaching children to hate their heritage. Mothers should teach self-respect, compassion and confidence to their children. Skin and culture has nothing to do with superiority but why do people still believe otherwise? Bad parenting, I assume. What irked me about the mother is not only does she tries to alter one’s appearance but she tries to eliminate her mother tongue completely. Hence the title White Lies. But if you want to look at the film a bit more deeply–it is more than just eliminating one’s root. It brought up the question: is the western’s way always better? I chose this film because like many international films I’ve seen in the past, it creates a dialogue that’s worthy of discussion on top of the fact the mom is scary.
Yep, those are my 3 list of scary mom films. I guess it’s not the end of the world if you were raised by a bad mom. Most of the children in these films actually turned out fine. Well some might experience permanent phycological issues, but overcoming it–will make the individual a stronger person and thus an interesting story. No one glorifies weakness as a desired trait. Well I have not met one person who does but let me know if you have.
The constant environmental stimulation coming from downtown Seattle area is hard to avoid. I’ve been in Seattle for some time now and it seems like it’s getting worse. In the beginning of 2020, there was a gunfire shooting on 3rd Ave that killed civilians. And with current national news in the U.S, it doesn’t seem to get any brighter. Asian-American hate crime is on the rise. Even more scarier is targeting against Asian-American women. It’s very tiring and mentally exhausting that I feel it’s okay to withdraw from the society and shut myself in and watch martial arts films and play games to save my sanity. No news is ever good news it seems.
Okay that’s just an excuse for my introversion. Even if there’s no crime–I would still withdraw from the society to enrich my soul with activities that bring me a lot of joy. But I hope you enjoyed reading my dire news introduction for this blog post.😜
On the bright side, this blog has become a very good friend. And now I finally reach 100 followers. Wow that’s pretty awesome. 100 people actually thought my blog is cool enough to follow. Hello, thanks! Nice to meet you!
I am also proud to have published a total of 91 posts (92 if I included this post) which were thought out carefully. Not so bad, considering the fact I was suffering from mental fatigue. I’m in better health now ever since I started cooking and eating properly; and learning to accept that there are some things in life we simply just have no control of.
I know blog would grow faster if I collaborate with other bloggers and follow SEO rules, but I prefer to work alone and figure what works and what doesn’t for myself. Plus producing high quality reviews is more important to me than growing blog massively. But with the right person, I might consider. If you are like me, you have a taste for fine things. You search for real connection and authenticity in the entertainment world or in life generally. I’m also assuming, you’re looking for meaningful content as well as creating it. There’s more to life than just a name; I mean fame.
So what to expect for the future of this blog?
Will continue to write insightful reviews
More creative posts to come
Will continue to post once a week since I think it’s manageable for my schedule (consistency is key to successful blogging)
In depth analyses on books and games (More quality content would be produced though if this was a full time job)
Pretty much, I am here for the long haul and so far, I’m very proud of this blog. As they say, when you take ownership of your craft, it adds more value to you than going to work for a paycheck and in return, I hope my content can offer something of valuable to you as well.
Well that’s it for now. Stay tuned for my honest, awesome insightful reviews. Until next time, see you ~
Oh the power of setting goals. I have many goals (creative, personal, and financial) and then I wonder how I wore myself out easily and ended up feel lazy from time to time. I realized I am only human. Not a machine. I achieved one of my goals. That I can boast.
If you are new to my blog, awhile ago, I set a goal for myself to become a better cook (you can click on the link to my blog post here: Halsdoll’s Diner: It’s Breakfast Time). It’s a good goal. Who can say no to food? The only problem with this goal is the outcome is food baby (a.k.a. potbelly). Now it just won’t go away. It keeps growing. Nooooo!!! Maybe my next goal is to find a good belly exercise so I can have a flat tummy again? Life’s woe never ends…
On the positive side, I have more energy than four years ago when I was underweight. Food is supposed to give us the energy to power throughout the day. So a little potbelly is okay. So what’s on the menu?
Halsdoll’s side dish (snacks)
I love eating French Fries like how I like eating chips. They are so good and addictive. Paired fries with a good film, it becomes a recipe for potbelly. Not a lot of movement going on when you are busy watching the screen and stuffing fries in your mouth. Sometimes when a film is so good you get suck into its world. It’s like holding your breath for 30 seconds driving through a tunnel. You get the picture, it can get intense and not eating mindfully will make anyone gain weight fast. I don’t know if I can ever eliminate fries though. They are just addictively good. Now that I know how to make my very own fries, I don’t need to go to the restaurants for fries.
Next up…Halsdoll’s Half Sandwich. No literally, the piece of bread is missing on purpose. That’s why it falls under snack. I like to eat this like I eat pizza. It has cranberries, crumbled goat cheese, spinach, turkey meat and buttered wheat bread. Yummy snack! I just can’t get enough!
Halsdoll’s Lunch Menu
I love sandwiches and have yet to make more different kinds. For now, I present my tuna fish sandwich, side with vinegar chips. Provolone cheese goes well with tuna. I like to switch it up with Swiss cheese from time to time.
Next up, who can say no to salad. I love vegetables. I present my salad! Still not as good at some of the places I go to–but I am getting there! At least have mastered boiling eggs! What a big achievement for me!
Lastly, fried rice. My mom made good fried rice. Mine is decent compared to hers but better than some restaurants. The good thing about cooking for yourself–you cook with love and so food tastes better.
Well that’s it for now. I hope you enjoy this little blog post. I did not realize how fun cooking can be but also time consuming. It takes a lot of patience, skills, planning, and gathering ingredients. Quality foods take time. Now I understood why my mother was so diligent about fresh ingredients and quality foods. It brings happiness and the family together around the table.
Hope you found a good meal to go with your movie time. Until next time, see you~
I have been meaning to make more time to read, but sometimes I get discouraged from reading one bad book after the next which are supposedly bestsellers (keep in mind, it’s a matter of taste). Hence it’s why the book department in my blog is rather bleak and lonely. I have only reviewed one book so far: Handmaid’s Tale and quite frankly, I didn’t enjoy it all that much. I am not completely ruling out books for this blog because I am the poetry huntress. My passion is very particular in that essence. But I struggle to find a good book to read or maybe it’s just that I struggle to find a genuine book to read. So I’m in a bit of a dilemma.
I used to read a lot as a kid. In fact, I fell in love with books before I even started playing games. There’s something about the written word that makes it an intimate experience between the author and the reader. So it’s hard not to fall in love with books. But games consume most of my time nowadays so I started wondering why I play more than I read, knowing that books are great ways to formulate new ideas and open more dialogues.
And so I begin to ponder…
There are several films adaptation inspired by books. So it’s not hard to pay tribute to books as the superior medium. And many video games are inspired by films. You noticed a pattern here? Video game is a baby learning to walk on its legs, wanting to be recognized by its older siblings. Part of my maternal instinct is I want to see the baby grow. This brings me to conclude why I don’t read as much as I should nowadays: If people read purely for entertainment and for the artistic aesthetic, then I want to argue that video games are just as good as books. And perhaps even better than some books in terms of delivering meaningful content that adds value to our lives. Partially this is why I still hunt down to play a good game and why I rather invest playing games than reading. Out of love for the medium, I want to see it grow into something that’s respectable in the creative community.
Every time, I think about why I created my original blog back in 2016, I kept circling to the same idea: I’m writing to advocate and educate to the creative community. I write as a creative outlet because my soul depends on it and I want to share it with the rest of the world on what I enjoy. Video games can be great companions for those of us who are on the shy side. And on a personal level, video games gave me the inspiration to write most of my songs as mentioned in one of my posts. It’s like we are all connected. Books inspired films. Films inspired video games, and video games inspired me to write songs.
With this whole pandemic thing–isolation is not normal behavior even for an introvert myself. Some alone time is good, but too much is detrimental. I think video games have comforted some of us in some ways to help cope with mental stress. So let’s give some respect to video games because self-help books aren’t for everyone. Sometimes the bottled up emotions just have to go somewhere and for me it’s shooting virtual scary dogs. Well I guess it’s time to go shoot some skags in Borderlands 3 now!
If you are just stopping by this blog and if haven’t already, please check out some of my blog posts on games that I think are better than books in some ways. Until next time, see you later!
Spread her fingers wide for she is never satisfied.
Once she was pure but is now tainted by greed.
Only one mission
Separate from Adam.
She goes to great length
To improve herself through
knowledge and beauty.
She is a sad existence
Who needs so many admirers.
Don’t be surprised that
She is an empty container
Without a soul.
She has many disposable loyal pets.
And the only one she considered friend
Poem dedicated to the fake girls I’ve come across in my life. I have one advice for you: Inner beauty is more important than outward because that’s the beauty that never dies. Wish you luck that you may find beauty within yourself. A bad apple is a bad apple.
I’m back with my three list of recommendations, but I’ll be honest, I haven’t sat down and watch anything worthwhile for me to share. So instead of giving you a list of films I watched, I provide three list of things I do to cope with social distancing. Like the guy from Cast Away, instead of being stranded on an island with Wilson (the volleyball), I’ve been stranded in the city for years with my teddy bear. Talking to oneself is a very handy survival skill during this period of social isolation. The longer you spend time by yourself, the more you become your own best friend. After all, as Petrarch, the father of Renaissance said, life is about discovering oneself. So take this opportunity to get to know yourself during this pandemic.
So here are 3 things that have helped me cope with isolation:
1. Travel Alone
I remember in my teen years, I suffer from traveling anxiety. I have to plan my destination from point A to point B because I fear I would get lost, especially traveling to unfamiliar places alone. Let’s just say I am not the greatest with direction. But thank goodness for Google Map, I don’t fear traveling alone anymore. Whether it is commuting in a train, car, plane, or bus I have came to enjoy spending time alone, reflecting on things surrounding me. The world is bigger than what is inside of me surely. When you spend enough time alone, you learn to appreciate others ironically. You would realize how interdependent we are not only for human connection but for our overall survival. As they say no man is an island to himself. So learn how to be thankful. Too often, many of us are too occupied with what we don’t have that we forget to appreciate what is right in front of our eyes.
2. Play Horror Games
As crazy as it sounds, playing horror games triggered great laughter within me. It might be the fact I’m so scared that I laugh. Those games always make me stay alert. For awhile I was addicted to horror games for that reason. Try it, you might find yourself laughing as well. Laugh at Death is the only way to conquer it. That is what I’ve learned. Life can be like a rollercoaster, so enjoy the ride and laugh. The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you will begin to enjoy life.
3. Do Something Creative
I begin writing a lot of songs in the past few years as a way to release stress. It helps a lot. Going out for a walk helps with mental health and creativity. When you use all of your senses, you become alive and that is when creativity starts flowing from your veins! No kidding, I am not being dramatic. Most of my songs are inspired by my environment and the media I consume. When I sing, I release all of the emotional tension built up inside me. Humans are meant to create. Creativity is part of human survival.
Well I hope you enjoy my list. I am pretty sure you have your own unique ways of dealing with this pandemic stress. Be safe and be strong. Most importantly, be your own best friend and take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Until next time, bye bye.